reflections on living with two foots

I know I’m getting older and slower, but I caught a shrew yesterday, so I’m not that old! It’s just getting a little harder to pry myself off the nice warm bed in the morning, and I swear my two foots keep jacking the bed up overnight. That drop to the floor gets longer every day. But there’s always food in the bowl and since the two foots have given up on mending the corner of the screen door I can go out on the deck and lay in the sun anytime I want. I don’t know why the humans let it rain so much, but then again who really understands the two foots?

I barely remember the first two foots now. They fed me and played with me and then one day they took me in the big moving box and dumped me out somewhere I’d never been. Bitter? You bet your tail I was bitter. I swore I’d never trust a two foot again. It isn’t easy making it in the outdoors. Sure it’s fun to go out and stalk when you have a warm house and food to go back to, but you try it full time!

I don’t know how long I was out there, but I was awful hungry all the time, and my feet kept getting cold. One week it rained and the rain froze onto everything. All the houses were dark when I snuck up on the back deck I enjoy so much now. Then it was enemy territory. The two foots saw me and tried to make friends, but I wasn’t trusting anything with two feet. A few quick swipes and they learned to keep their distance! They put out food and we got along perfectly well until one day they left the door open and I decided to explore a little. One of the damned two foots closed the door and… well, I panicked I went up stairs and down stairs and under thing and around things, it was all a blur. After I finally got outside my head hurt a little, but I don’t remember what happened. The two foots were holding some kind of a funny looking wooden thing with three legs and part of a fourth one, One of them had the other part in his hand and was laughing. They started calling me “George of the Jungle” and kept saying “Watch out for that table,” whatever that means.

After that it was better, they always left me a way out and I had a nice box on the deck to sleep in, wrapped in something that kept the rain out. It even had lap! I never knew what a lap was before. Do you know what a lap is? It’s this nice warm fuzzy thing, flat and about twice as long as I am with plenty of room to sprawl out. Now my human puts one across his legs and says “Lap” and I know it’s OK for me to jump up and get my ears scratched and my belly rubbed and get combed and all kinds of fun stuff. If the lap isn’t there they yell at me, especially if I have to sink my claws in to keep a grip. I think laps are great. I have laps on people and a lap on a shelf by the picture window that’s there all the time!

Oh we have our problems, but the big two foots knows I will claw the heck out of him (if he can catch me) when he swats my butt, and I know getting swatted by something six times my size is worth avoiding, so we get along. Actually, we havn't had a tussle in seasons now. I don’t claw anything but the scratching post. Well, maybe the door trim if I don’t get let in promptly, but that’s on the outside of the house and really doesn’t count even if they do holler awfully loud when they see me doing it.

It’s not all bad, but I really wish the big two foot would spend more time in the big chair. When in the little chair he’s tapping the funny thing that clicks and flashes lights and he won’t put out a lap. The short two foots made a big deal out of my stretching on the lap she put out one day while she was tapping. She said I bid on something, whatever that means! Now I only get a two foot lap when they are sitting in the big chairs. Fact is, they even leave a lap on the big chairs when they’re not in them, which is nice, but it’s better to have a two foot pet me too.
I hear a can opener. See ya later.

Omg. This is so cute! If my bitsy could write it would look something like this!!!! lol

Oh, that's great!! It makes me miss my old cat!! I'll have to go visit him. I love the part about "bid on something, whatever that means"! Thanks for the laugh!

Loved this Chuck. Very good with the POV.

Good job. MC will be very pleased to read this.

SarahP
My wife was looking at something on E-bay and had entered a bid of something like six dollars when George decided to do a stretch & roll in her lap. When she looked back at the screen the bid was something like 526 dollars- he had slapped the number pad floundering around begging for a belly rub!

Since his income wouldn't cover that, we decided to keep him away from the computers.